indigence

The Dork Modifier

2008-03-18T19:46:00.002-05:00

Recently I started going to the local comic book store after a hiatus of more than 10 years. This, in and of itself, is certainly an assurance of major dorkhood. My question, dear reader(s), is this:

Does it make me more dorky or less dorky that the only reason I go is to purchase the comic book continuation of my favorite show ever, Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

For some reason, I'm thinking more dorky. I think even your "normal" comic book store patrons would be a little embarrassed buying an issue of Buffy.

Where does it go?

2008-03-08T21:49:00.002-06:00

Okay, so tonight at 2 a.m. we will set our clocks forward an hour. I'm sure this question is completely unoriginal, but where does that hour go? The Comcast guide on my box, which is divided in half-hour segments, goes from 1:30 a.m. to 3 a.m. That hour is gone. I wonder if it's like in Dark City when everyone falls asleep and the city starts changing. Maybe crazy stuff happens in the missing hour.

I guess I don't know what happens in that missing time. I feel like I've been robbed, but then it's given back in the fall, when an extra hour is just crammed into the middle of the night and we live blissfully with that extra hour until it's stolen away again in the spring.

I submit for your approval...

2008-02-18T20:30:00.001-06:00

Banana Cream Pie is mankind's crowning achievement.

Hrm.

2008-02-11T22:52:00.000-06:00

Fact: I have 218 items in my Netflix queue.
Fact: I've had the three discs I have now out for more than a month.
Conclusion: I want to see a lot of movies, but I'm in no rush.
Conclusion: Those were some expensive rentals.

The Out-of-Text Retcon

2007-10-20T09:30:00.000-05:00

Retcon is short for retroactive continuity, which basically means that something stated later on alters events that already occurred, sometimes completely. It tends to come up fairly often in comic books, but there are tons of other examples in the Wikipedia article linked to there.

What got me thinking about this was that J.K. Rowling "revealed" this week that Dumbledore was gay. You know what? I don't care if he was gay. The sexuality of old men wasn't really a topic that was explored by the books themselves. This is going to have a lot of people up in arms, but it doesn't actually matter at all because Rowling took the wussy way out. What bothers me isn't that she's made this decision about Dumbledore's character, but the fact that she didn't put it in the freaking books.

In a text chock-full of gradual revelation of plot-changing details, much of which falls under the retcon heading, why shy away from one more? Is it to avoid getting the book banned in more locations? I don't know. It just bothers me that an author who is so widely read can change everybody's perception about her story without using legitimate means to make that change. It feels very cheap.

I'll be interested to see how this affects the next movie. I wonder if Michael Gambon will try to play swishy. I wonder if he can play swishy.

Ultra-fresh!

2007-09-04T20:29:00.001-05:00

Like everything I post worth checking out, this one came from Digg. A couple of observations: Does it seem to you that every video you see on Youtube has a 4-star rating? Also, this really makes me want to listen to some Apocalyptica. It still amuses me to no end to know that something like Apocalyptica exists and is actually awesome.

You know what I hate?

2007-08-18T19:23:00.000-05:00

I hate the idea of those tall paperbacks they're selling now. They're the same width as normal mass market paperbacks, but just taller. They represent a threat to the uniform height of the bookshelf contents. It's bad enough that I have to deal with the spine colors not matching; now I have to step carefully on online purchases, checking the dimensions to make sure they're not freak books. Do these tall books represent some sort of increased readability? Less page turns? There has to be some reason to turn your back on reason and handsomely level bookshelves. Or is it just insanity?

I guess I'll just have to get everything leather-bound.

Aw man!

2007-07-18T20:23:00.000-05:00

Now that the final Harry Potter book has been leaked in its entirety, I have to avoid the internet until I can finish the thing on sunday. Not that it will affect this blog much.

Ha ha.

GRAGHRRAGH!

2007-05-17T21:32:00.000-05:00

In its infinite wisdom, The CW has seen fit not to include Veronica Mars on its fall schedule, which basically means it's cancelled.

May the network perish in a fiery inferno that burns with the brightness of justice satisfied.

Musical extravaganza!

2007-05-15T19:10:00.000-05:00

Here's a couple of music-related youtube videos that I think you'll enjoy.

Flight of the Conchords, formerly New Zealand's fourth-most popular folk parody duo, is pretty funny:

That one came via Jordan via Seth via who knows where. There are more here.

I may lose Man Points over this one, but I really dig on this one. It's Imogen Heap and this funky looping gadget recreating an entire electronic song live. I think it's righteous that there are talented people performing in that genre and that she can do her stuff live without just singing over samples. I love her voice and the layering in the song is very well done. Yay.

That one was from Digg, and I thoroughly dugg it. (NINJA EDIT) I just wanted to update this to say that, while I enjoy her music, she scares the crap out of me and I think I'd run away from her in real life. (/NINJA EDIT)

And in case you haven't laughed at something ridiculous today, here's a guy playing the Legend of Zelda theme on an 11-string bass.

I can just imagine this guy buying a bass:

Guy's Friend: Hey, man, look at all these 4-, 5- and 6-string basses. Certainly they must be enough for every possible bassing configuration!
Guy: Oooh, look at that one.
Guy's Friend: That's ridiculous!
Guy: This one goes to eleven.
Guy's Friend: But why not just buy a 5-string and a 6-string? What's the point in having 11 strings all on one bass?
Guy: This one goes to eleven.

I hope he does other stuff on that bass besides just tap. You may as well buy a piano or a dulcimer if you're gonna play like that.

This concludes the musical extravaganza. I hope you were completely extravaganzed.

Apathy (or, an open letter to Dennis)

2007-05-14T19:47:00.000-05:00

An inquiring mind once wrote in the comments section:

Dude, it's like May. I'm ignorant as of the current state of Jack Bauer statistics and your opinion of Spiderman 3!

Well, Dennis, if you must know, I'm holding off on compiling 24 statistics until the season's done because I've grown immensely bored with it. Not the statistics, the show. Plus, I couldn't really come up with anything funny to say every week. Perhaps I'll be better able to amuse you after these last five episodes coalesce into a giant ball of death, ridiculousness and TV-14 swears. So you'll hear about this shortly after the two-hour finale on the 21st.

Spider-Man 3 was just very much not good. I want to preface this by saying that I almost always come away with, at the very least, a neutral opinion of movies that I see. I rarely feel that a movie has been bad enough that having seen it was a waste of time. Spider-Man 3, however, came close.

I think Sam Raimi fell asleep with his face on the Overbearing Schmaltz key. You know, the one right next to Scroll Lock. Multiple times we're looking dead-on at Peter Parker crying all-out my-dog-just-died double-chin-grimace style. There's no little-kid crying in Spider-Man! For some reason, every single little bit of the everyday life stuff (the stuff that makes Spider-Man different than, say, X-Men) was unbearably dull.

I don't think the big problem was that there were too many villains, but rather that nothing was really done with any of them. Sandman was cool, but, like Dennis said, he probably could have had his own movie. He was pretty much wasted in this. Venom looked cool, but was mostly pointless. Uh... in fact, Dennis already said all of this. Goblin was okay, but probably mostly because James Franco brings back warm fuzzy Freaks and Geeks memories.

Don't even get me started on the horrible, horrible, final-act Exposition Butler. Oh, this was unforgivable. Here's a hint to movie-makers from someone who will consume nearly every piece of cinema you put out there: when you are using a previously unseen butler to steer your plot in a different direction, you need to throw away your script and start over. Do it.

Two more thoughts:

1) How in the world did Bryce Dallas Howard come from this guy? And have this guy as an uncle? HOW?

2) Dennis, you better watch yourself. I hear if you make fun of Bruce Campell, or any scene he's in, his chin comes and kills you while you're asleep.

It should also amuse you to know that I'm so lazy and apathetic that I started this post 5 days ago and am just now finishing it.

Shiny

2007-04-28T09:06:00.000-05:00

This might be way old news, but this guy's photographs are just amazing. If you need new wallpapers for your desktop, check it out. Just hit the "previous" button in the upper right to go back, or go to his archive.

Very, very nice.

Jack Bauer wants to blow himself up (episode 19)

2007-04-28T08:52:00.000-05:00

Sorry it took so long. I'm sure you were waiting with bated breath. Bated!

Jack slew two villians this week at a botched hostage/Russian military chip swap which, if "successful", would have meant Jack blowing himself up, along with uncountable Chinese dudes. Whew. (Would he get credit for killing himself?) You know, it seems like when Jack's suicide/hostage swap plot is foiled, the very least I should expect is one "DAMMIT!" This is getting disappointing. We did, however, have one "DAMMIT!" back at CTU.

This brings our season totals up to:
Total Jack Bauer-caused fatalities: 24 (!!!!)
Total utterances of "DAMMIT!": 23
Total Jack Bauer-uttered "DAMMIT!"s: 11

Which leaves us with these season averages:
JBKpH (Jack Bauer Kills per Hour): 1.263
DpH ("DAMMIT!"s per Hour): 1.211
JBDpH (Jack Bauer "DAMMIT!"s per Hour): 0.579

My buddies Seth and Chrissy realized 24 was on about 10 minutes into it, asked each other if they wanted to watch, and both said, "meh." I'm starting to feel that way too. I just can't muster the enthusiasm for this after 5.79 seasons of this. There's always statistics, though.

Jack Bauer takes the night off (episode 18)

2007-04-18T19:46:00.000-05:00

Jack Bauer decided not to accrue any statistics tonight, and when Jack Bauer decides not to accrue statistics, you let him.

One "DAMMIT!" from Chloe. Guess that's it.

This brings our season totals up to:
Total Jack Bauer-caused fatalities: 22
Total utterances of "DAMMIT!": 22
Total Jack Bauer-uttered "DAMMIT!"s: 11

Which leaves us with these season averages:
JBKpH (Jack Bauer Kills per Hour): 1.222
DpH ("DAMMIT!"s per Hour): 1.222
JBDpH (Jack Bauer "DAMMIT!"s per Hour): 0.611

Yep.

Vegas, baby!

2007-04-13T17:03:00.000-05:00

Well, now I'm actually off to Vegas. See you Tuesday.

American Airlines blows most heartily

2007-04-11T15:30:00.000-05:00

Our 6PM flight to Vegas just got cancelled. Now we're not going out until late friday night and I have to go in to work tomorrow and friday. SIGH.

Jack Bauer Kills Everyone (episode 17)

2007-04-10T21:31:00.000-05:00

Sweet sassy molassey, Jack's been busy. He said the coveted "DAMMIT!" twice. In addition to "killing" two guys in an elaborate ruse, Jack killed six actual people last night. He was like some sort of truck-transmitted terrorist epidemic, taking suckers out with one shot while they sprayed their ineffectual AKs all over the place. Four evil bad guys were taken out with the pistol, while he snapped another dude's neck and strangled the main Skeletor-looking bad guy with a winch chain.

Says Jack to emaciated terrorist Fayed: "Say hello to your brother."

I wanted so badly for him to add "...IN HELL."

This brings our season totals up to:
Total Jack Bauer-caused fatalities: 22
Total utterances of "DAMMIT!": 21
Total Jack Bauer-uttered "DAMMIT!"s: 11

Which leaves us with these season averages:

JBKpH (Jack Bauer Kills per Hour): 1.294
DpH ("DAMMIT!"s per Hour): 1.235
JBDpH (Jack Bauer "DAMMIT!"s per Hour): 0.647

The show is ridiculous, but that's why we love it.

The Jack Attack Stat Pack (episode 16)

2007-04-03T19:35:00.000-05:00

Two kills, no "DAMMIT!"s.

This brings our season totals up to:
Total Jack Bauer-caused fatalities: 16
Total utterances of "DAMMIT!": 19
Total Jack Bauer-uttered "DAMMIT!"s: 9

Which leaves us with these season averages:

JBKpH (Jack Bauer Kills per Hour): 1.0
DpH ("DAMMIT!"s per Hour): 1.188
JBDpH (Jack Bauer "DAMMIT!"s per Hour): 0.563

Sigh. Even for 24, this episode was pretty ridiculous. You get the President out of his coma to prevent the evil Vice President from nuking a Middle-Eastern country, which he does, at first, only to have him reverse policy and decide to go ahead and do it anyway, just because. Since when do you show terrorists a lesson by nuking a country? What the heck?

Oh, and the political-correctness-motivated non-identification of the terrorists' home country is so very absurd. It's been bizarre to watch the writers try to work around naming a country to avoid offending people. It's just a silly TV show. Offend someone already.

UPDATE:
Chrissy beat me to the punch on the bewilderment. Just giving credit where credit is due.

The Jack Bauer Rundown, episode 15

2007-03-27T20:39:00.000-05:00

Now we're talking!

Jack was personally responsible for two deaths in this episode: the critically wounded guy from last time ("he didn't make it.") and another unnamed Russian terrorist. In addition, Jack was the source of two of the episode's three "DAMMIT!"s. Very productive!

This brings our season totals up to:
Total Jack Bauer-caused fatalities: 14
Total utterances of "DAMMIT!": 19
Total Jack Bauer-uttered "DAMMIT!"s: 9

Which leaves us with these season averages:

JBKpH (Jack Bauer Kills per Hour): 0.933
DpH ("DAMMIT!"s per Hour): 1.267
JBDpH (Jack Bauer "DAMMIT!"s per Hour): 0.6

Increases in all categories! Jack used a developmentally disabled guy to trap a terrorist in this episode. I'm not sure if this is completely consistent with his style, or a new low.

Either way, until next time: doot - deet - doot - deet - doot - deet

Shooter

2007-03-24T22:17:00.000-05:00

I saw Shooter today and it was a decent movie. A little on the long side for a silly action movie, but overall pretty entertaining. Here are two reasons why guys will like this movie:

1) Deep down, all guys want to be a sniper.
2) Deep down, all guys want to be Mark Wahlberg.

Also, things blow up. In a horribly embarassing name-drop incident, the bad guys, who are supposedly high up in government / conspiracy stuff, mention that Google Maps places one location 3 blocks from another location. Why would government-ish personnel, likely with access to FBI databases, use Google Maps? If this is the future of advertising, I am very freaked out.

Meanwhile, it's come to my attention that I can no longer tolerate Danny Glover.

Reverse psychology

2007-03-22T21:09:00.000-05:00

There's a warning page in the instruction manual for the DVD burner I just bought, and on this warning page it says the following:

"Removing the cover may cause exposure to harmful laser beams and electrical voltage."

To be honest, this really makes me want to open it up.

The Jack Bauer Rundown, episode 14

2007-03-19T22:07:00.000-05:00

Exciting stuff!

It should please you to know that Jack Bauer killed 2 people in this episode (with one more left critically wounded) and 1 "DAMMIT!" was spewed forth, though not by the quieter-than-normal Jack.

This brings our season totals up to:
Total Jack Bauer-caused fatalities: 12
Total utterances of "DAMMIT!": 16
Total Jack Bauer-uttered "DAMMIT!"s: 7

Which leaves us with these season averages:

JBKpH (Jack Bauer Kills per Hour): 0.857
DpH ("DAMMIT!"s per Hour): 1.143
JBDpH (Jack Bauer "DAMMIT!"s per Hour): 0.5

Things are moving along briskly. Jack still needs to pick up his "DAMMIT!" production to be up to snuff, but he's increased fatalities by 14% on the season in just one episode. It should also be noted that Jack saved San Francisco from a nuclear weapon by flying a remote control plane!

Awesome.

Grumpsville, Population: Me

2007-03-16T20:04:00.000-05:00

Veronica Mars looks to be either cancelled or undergoing a revamping which would be set in her freshman year at the FBI Academy (source - of shoddy repute to be sure). Seriously; if people wouldn't watch the fantastic thing that the show is now, why would they tune into a CSI Junior?

Woe is me.

The Jack Bauer Rundown

2007-03-12T21:23:00.000-05:00

Since the beginning of the 6th season of 24, I've been keeping track of some key statistics. We're already 13 episodes in, so I'm a little behind the times, but we'll get everything up to date here and then there'll be weekly updates.

24 can pretty much be boiled down to two major components:
1) Jack Bauer laying waste to mortal men
2) Someone (usually Jack) saying (usually screaming) "DAMMIT!"

Because these two factors are so important, these have been my statistics. I've been keeping track of Jack's kills and instances of "DAMMIT!" Additionally, there will be season averages presented: JBKpH - Jack Bauer Kills per Hour, DpH - "DAMMIT!"s per Hour and JBDpH - Jack Bauer "DAMMIT!"s per Hour. It was difficult deciding whether extra kills should be awarded in extremely awesome situations; say, for instance, Jack tears a man's throat out with his mouth (first episode, baby!). I decided to say a kill is a kill and keep it simple.

Without further ado, here are the statistics so far:

Total Jack Bauer-caused fatalities: 10
Total utterances of "DAMMIT!": 15
Total Jack Bauer-uttered "DAMMIT!"s: 7

Which leaves us with these season averages:

JBKpH (Jack Bauer Kills per Hour): 0.769
DpH ("DAMMIT!"s per Hour): 1.154
JBDpH (Jack Bauer "DAMMIT!"s per Hour): 0.538

With Jack accounting for less than half of the "DAMMIT!"s, I'm left a little astounded. We'll see what happens. Other than that, I have no idea what to make of these numbers.

300

2007-03-12T20:19:00.000-05:00

I saw 300 yesterday and it was pretty decent. Not fantastic, not a huge letdown. The battle sequences were very well done, particularly the long tracking shots with crazy dynamic zooming and speed-shifting. My brother Nick heard that they did the zooming stuff by shooting with three cameras at the same time on a special rig, which just sounds way neat. The visuals were all really well done. I think this might be my favorite stylized (as opposed to realistic) CGI achievement yet--yes, I think it looks cooler than Sky Captain.

Other than a gag-worthy inspirational speech by the Spartan Queen, I thought the movie was altogether pretty good, but someone should give the guys that made the trailer an award.

Zach's Facts!

2007-03-03T17:18:00.000-06:00

Cockburn is the worst last name ever.

That is all.

They may be on to something here

2007-03-03T17:07:00.000-06:00

Like most other creatures with a Y chromosome, I am eagerly awaiting the release of 300 next week. Battle sequences, slow motion, screaming "Sparta!", slow motion, wicked-looking visuals and slow motion all just tug at my innermost caveman impulses. It looks so insane I want to see it opening night with a lot of people there--which, if you know me, you know I never do.

It wasn't until I was watching Leno last night and I heard the women screaming as Gerard Butler (who plays King Leonidas) walked on stage that I realized that the chicks are going to dig this movie too. The movie is full of half-naked Spartan man candy. Who cares if it's all slow motion battles, right?

This movie is going to gross more than Titanic.

If the movie does suck, though, other film distributors should take note and hire the folks that did the trailers for this one. Now that's a trailer.

A Grave Injustice

2007-02-20T08:33:00.000-06:00

Ghost Rider's weekend box office gross: $51.5 million

What is wrong with you people?

Nuts.

2007-02-13T23:01:00.000-06:00

Well, my boy Sean Michel didn't make it through tonight's American Idol cuts. He made it through the first series, but got axed during the group sing thing. Didn't even get to see him sing. Nuts. Anyway, here's a link to his band's myspace page. I guess that's almost as good.

Smash a teenager in 20 steps!

2007-02-11T13:42:00.000-06:00

I caught the end of Final Destination 3 (3!) last night and as I was watching, I hashed out the plot for a prequel movie. It occurred to me that the convoluted deaths in these movies are just like the Rube Goldberg machines we made in physics class in high school, except in this case there are no coins flipped but sometimes somebody might get a sheet of plate glass dropped on them.

(I am fully aware, of course, that the Rube Goldberg idea is not new [probably because it's so dang obvious], as a Google of "final destination" "rube goldberg" turned up 920 hits. I'm not trying to claim originality here.)

So here's my idea: Rube Goldberg dies in 1970, at the ripe old age of 87. When he gets to the pearly gates, he gets hired on by the Angel of Death as the Traveling Assistant to the Angel of Death. The movie could be about Rube's coming of age as the Traveling Assistant to the Angel of Death, with all sorts of hilarious hijinx naturally following as Rube learns his job. At first, he resists the job, claiming he just wants to flip light switches. He'd have to bear heckling from Death's other assistants about his bizarre methods and then get a pep talk from St. Paul about perseverance. By the film's end, of course, he'll be much better than the Angel of Death at getting the job done. So every time Death screws up and people get away, Rube gets up off the bench and takes care of business.

Just think about that next time you're watching Final Destination and you witness another Goldbergian demise: Rube's up there, pulling the levers and figuring out how to smash a teenager in 20 steps.

Eccentrostatic

2007-02-05T22:39:00.000-06:00

It's so dry here in these sub-zero temperatures that today at work I was brutally shocked on the lip by a cubicle wall. That'll teach me.

Grumble grumble

2007-02-04T21:02:00.000-06:00

Stupid Bears.

There's a first time for everything

2007-02-03T16:53:00.000-06:00

I may have to watch more than just the first auditions on American Idol this year, if only to see how this guy does:

(updated 3/4 for youtube's video sabotage)

So cool.

This is old news, but...

2006-12-09T09:19:00.000-06:00

I just remembered that the next Die Hard movie is going to be called Live Free or Die Hard (link).

Seriously?

Granted, this is from the minds that brought us Die Hard 2: Die Harder and Die Hard: With a Vengeance, but this new name sounds like a Steven Seagal movie. I wonder if anyone at the production company (or whoever names these things) actually thinks this name sounds cool. Every time I hear it, I think of Steven Seagal running, which is very laughsome.

And speaking of Seagal, since everyone has stopped paying attention to him, he's gotten prolific. Dude made 10 movies in the 90s, and in the (nearly) 7 years this decade, he's made 15 (with 4 more in production right now). Seven of those are straight to video, which goes along with nobody paying attention to him, but 15 movies? That's nuts. How does he keep getting funding for these?

This is brilliant.

2006-11-14T08:47:00.000-06:00

How awesome is that?

haha

2006-11-02T21:11:00.000-06:00

You snooze, you lose
Well, I have snost and lost.

-Mike Doughty, "I Hear the Bells"

hey kid, got a present for ya

2006-10-05T23:17:00.000-05:00

Here's a new template for Zach's blog. Don't spend it all in one place.

(the new look has been brought to you by Gecko & Fly.)

Jordan's wedding

2006-10-03T21:28:00.000-05:00

So, Jordan and Sam got married this weekend. It was a really nice wedding, and I had the somewhat terrifying honor of being the best man. I got to (had to?) give a toast at the reception and I'm glad I did, because it was a great way to tell a lot of people who'd never met Jordan what kind of guy he is. Plus, it went over about a billion times better than I thought it would.

I memorized the thing and did pretty well at getting it right, but you know how those things work. A couple people have asked me for the text of the toast, so here it is--the toast in the ideal form, before I left stuff out and ad-libbed mediocre best man jokes:

Hi, everybody. For those who don’t know me, my name is Zach Parker and I’ll be your reluctant public speaker for the evening. I’ve been acquainted with Jordan since sixth grade, but I didn’t really get to know him until high school. It wasn’t until then that the depth of Jordan’s uniqueness truly became apparent and I discovered what makes Jordan who he is.

Let me paint you a picture. Imagine Jordan and myself, nine years younger. Two dashing young men, sitting in the band classroom at DeKalb High School, alto saxophones at the ready. Imagine, if you will, Jordan turning towards me with a crafty gleam in his eyes.

“I’m going to build a submarine.”

I start to laugh, because this is before I found out that, most of the time when Jordan says these things, he really means them. I stop laughing when I see he’s serious and ask him how he plans on doing that.

With a completely straight face he says, “by welding two metal canoes together.”

He does this sort of thing a lot.

As soon as I stopped having nightmares about Jordan drowning on the bottom of the lagoon, I started to realize that Jordan was the kind of weird I could get along with pretty easily, and we’ve been friends ever since. Being friends with Jordan tends to invite adventures; we’ve been local rock stars, eaten about a thousand Wendy’s quarter pound double stacks, and one time, we came pretty close to rolling a 15-passenger van. If I’m not mistaken, Jordan also holds a Guiness Book of World Records entry for largest belt buckle in the northern hemisphere and he’s the only person I’ve ever met who has dislocated his shoulder while dancing.

Nowadays, he still likes to talk about things he’s building and the inventions that are bouncing around in his brain. Whether he’s telling someone about the newest indecipherable gadgets he’s designing at work, his forays into the mysterious world of corn combustion, or how he’s going to revolutionize the automobile industry, he’s never more in his element than when he’s talking about his projects.

Beginning in October of 2004, however, the topics of conversation changed. More and more, Jordan talked to anyone who would listen about a wonderful young woman he’d met. Jordan’s always been passionate and animated when discussing his inventions, but it didn’t take long for him to discuss Sam with the same enthusiasm. How he found the time to meet her with his schedule is a mystery I’m not sure will ever be solved.

Now, I’m sure there was a collective groan from the single females of the greater DeKalb-Sycamore area when Jordan and Sam started dating. Not because he was dating Sam, but because he was, at long last, unavailable. Ladies, he is most definitely off the market, but I happen to know a handsome, extremely available guy who is giving a speech right now. Unfortunately, he couldn’t be here tonight.

Right from the beginning, Sam seemed to be a great match for Jordan; a genius biologist with the patience of a saint, a beautiful woman who not only laughed at all Jordan’s jokes but could also stand hanging out with his friends? She’s truly one of a kind. I remember riding in Jordan’s car and seeing Sam’s license plate for the first time; when I saw that she had a ham radio operator plate, something just clicked. I leaned over to Jordan and said, “dude, she’s perfect for you.” One of the things I’ve enjoyed about Jordan and Sam as a couple is watching how relaxed they are around each other and how easily they amuse one another. It’s truly been a blessing to watch them grow closer together, and for me to be able to call Sam a friend in the process is icing on the cake.

So, to Jordan, the lifelong builder, and to Sam, his lovely bride, I leave you with this: May the Lord bless you and keep you, may the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you, may the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. I’m confident that you two will continue to bless those around you with your love, talents and generosity and that together, your joy will overflow onto everyone you meet. Thank you, Sam, for making Jordan so happy, thank you both for your friendship and thank you for all the laughter.

So that was it. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out.

Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Gladden.

A Mystery Explained!

2006-08-05T15:39:00.000-05:00

I've always wondered why I can hear a TV when it's on, whether there's any volume or not--there's this high-frequency noise they emit that very few people I've talked to can hear, and it drives me nuts. So I was reading the comments for a Slashdot article and discovered this:

It's the flyback transformer in your set making that noise - a very loud 15.75 KHz tone. I'm almost 40 years old and haven't taken real good care of my hearing, and it still bugs the hell out of me. One solution to the noise problem is to get a non-CRT television set (plasma, LCD, DLP, etc.).

Interesting stuff. I have no idea what a flyback transformer is, but I guess this is just another reason to justify the eventual purchase of a ridiculous television. (yay)

Regarding entertainment

2006-07-24T18:01:00.000-05:00

I feel like it's been a really long time since I've loved a movie I've seen at the theater. In fact, since Serenity in September '05, I've seen 23 films in the theater and nothing's come close to my enjoyment of that gem. This is probably just because I'm a nerd, but what are you going to do? I've seen a lot of decent flicks, but here's a list in chronological order:

A History of Violence - Well, it's violent. I guess it's supposed to be an examination of the effects of violence on the people around us, and the potential of violent acts to be seen as heroic. Pretty brutal, and other than being shocking, a little un-pointed.
Recommended? It really depends, but probably not.

Domino - No. Just... no. Tony Scott, why have you forsaken me?
Recommended? No. Just... no.

The Weather Man - Hey, a movie about a screw-up screwing up! It's a pretty dismal semi-comedy, but as I recall, I enjoyed it.
Recommended? A cautious yes.

Jarhead - It's a movie about being bored in Iraq during Desert Storm. It's not boring, though, but it's every bit as foul as I'm told the real Marines are, so take that into advisement. I thought it was pretty good.
Recommended? Again, it really depends, but again, probably not.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - It was fun, but it didn't grab me the way the others did.
Recommended? Yeah.

The Ice Harvest - I didn't really care, but I wonder how many people were pissed seeing this after the previews made it look like a romping caper comedy. It's dark (which is fine by me), not that funny, and pretty lame.
Recommended? No.

The Chronicles of Narnia - Longish, but pretty good. Didn't love it, though. I'm not getting into this one; there are people who might hurt me.
Recommended? I suppose, but I'd rather watch a Harry Potter movie.

Syriana - This is a compelling and politically charged drama, if only you can figure out what the heck is going on. I couldn't, so there you go--oil has never been so confusing.
Recommended? Only if you're in MENSA. But seriously, no.

King Kong - Much too much. Take out everything before New York and maybe we'll talk. I hear there's an extended edition in the works. This is insane.
Recommended? Not particularly.

Firewall - Why do I do this to myself?
Recommended? Heavens no.

16 Blocks - Decent formulaic buddy-type action.
Recommended? If the mood strikes. It was fair enough.

The Hills Have Eyes - A family gets killed by mutants in the desert. That's pretty much it. A lot of blood and screaming and stuff. And a dog. A serviceable horror movie.
Recommended? Only if that first sentence up there sounds interesting to you.

V for Vendetta - A movie about an individual trying to bring about freedom from the totalitarian government through terrorist acts. It's adapted from a graphic novel, and it was written for the screen by the Wachowskis, which means there's slow motion. It really failed to be interesting.
Recommended? Not really. You might be better off just checking out the graphic novel.

Inside Man - This one came close to breaking the streak of un-loved movies, and I guess it could have, if I hadn't forgotten about it completely when I was getting ready to write this. It was a pretty twisty movie about a bank robbery that ended up being pretty darn engaging, but not so memorable, I guess.
Recommended? Definitely.

The Sentinel - See Firewall.
Recommended? Don't do this to yourself.

Silent Hill - Good visuals in the movie, but where it was perhaps attempting to be scary or creepy, it only managed to be gross. Also, are there any female cops ever in movies who aren't butch hardcases?
Recommended? No.

Mission Impossible III - Pretty decent. Philip Seymour Hoffman didn't get much of a chance to be his awesome self in this, though. Also, I might add that there were no motorcycle pirouettes, which is a vast improvement.
Recommended? Why not?

X-Men: The Last Stand - Um. This one, I've decided, was neither good nor bad. I just didn't care one bit, and the story they used sort of required some investment to work at all. Pretty unmemorable.
Recommended? No thanks.

A Prairie Home Companion - A sweet little movie about Garrison Keillor's radio variety show. It's less plotted and more a collection of moments, but it focuses on the impending demise of the show and the effect on the people involved. Also, an angel. This makes me want to watch more Altman movies.
Recommended? Yeah, in the right group or by yourself.

Nacho Libre - Well, it's no Napoleon Dynamite, but that's a good thing, I think. Pretty amusing in spots, especially if you see it with my brother.
Recommended? If you can get my brother to come over.

Superman Returns - Overall, a decent movie, but I had a couple issues with it. It was long, and felt like it. It didn't seem like there was a whole lot of, you know, Superman in it. And, while the idea of having very little in the way of actual superheroey fighting can be pulled off (see Unbreakable), I didn't feel like it worked here, especially in a summer "blockbuster" like this. Also, please deconstruct my heroes more.
Recommended? Yeah, but don't expect typical (maybe that's good).

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest - I wanted to watch the first movie again before seeing this, but I didn't get around to it. I still enjoyed it, but three years between the two may have affected my appreciation. Awesome action setpieces abound, including a swordfight on a runaway watermill. Davey Jones' and his crew were pretty fantastically conceived and implemented. I may enjoy this one more if I see it again after a refresher, but suffice to say it didn't break the curse.
Recommended? Almost certainly.

A Scanner Darkly - Rotoscoped animation combined with a sci-fi addiction story equals decent. I was worried going in, because Linklater has a tendency to let things get out of hand in a conversationally philosophical direction, but it ended up moving along at a pretty good clip. Definitely not great, but there's some interesting stuff in there.
Recommended? If you bring your thinking cap.

And that's it for the mostly good but not great movies I've seen in the theater since Serenity. I must say that if I had seen Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang in the theater, this list would have been much shorter, but alas, it was viewed on DVD. That is a definite recommendation; Hollywood noirish goodness that is quite hilarious.

Also, there's an impending DVD release that might have shortened the list if I could have seen it anywhere. I am ridiculously stoked for Brick, which will be out on DVD on August 8th. It just looks awesome, and I'm trying to lower my expectations so I don't get demolished by reality.

And so that's the end. Hope I didn't waste too much of your time.

Craaaaap.

2006-07-12T08:38:00.000-05:00

There goes the neighborhood.

[Lost] series cocreators hint at a movie and that season three will feature more sex.

I don't even know what to say. This is bizarre.

Psst--come a little closer.

2006-07-09T13:56:00.000-05:00

I have unearthed a frightening conspiracy and I need to tell someone before they get to me. A devious plot to drive the sales of Lucky Charms is in effect, and the whole world is in danger of inefficient spending!

My research has been limited to two boxes, but I believe they indicate a startling trend--a manipulation of the taste buds of American consumers for evil corporate profit! Here, brothers and sisters, is the essence of their foul scheme:

All the marshmallows are at the top.

Can you believe this, people of reason? General Mills is forcing the magically delicious to the top of the box so that, before you are aware, you are left with half a box of oat hunks. Magically oaty blandness--healthy in theory, but useless in reality! Where have the properly equilibriated boxes of goodness gone? They were fine until a month ago!

This must stop! We need uniform marshmallow distribution now, or this will become a debacle on par with the reformulation of Cookie Crisp!

I may not make it out alive, but I know the plight of the world has been heard by the three of you.

Godspeed.

Heck Yes!

2006-06-28T08:39:00.000-05:00

Do yourself a favor.

I'm all a-twitter!

2006-05-12T08:25:00.000-05:00

Anybody watch The Office?

YEEEEESSSSSS!

ping

2006-04-26T21:21:00.000-05:00

It occurs to me that my neverending struggle with junk mail is a startling parallel to the Alien(s) movies. Beset by ferocious carnivores, I withdraw into a sanctuary, but ultimately some corridors remain. These, of course, are my email addresses. For many, I'm able to seal access off entirely (the designated junk accounts, which I never check), but there are still one or two corridors that I need open; my squad is still out there, and they need to get to me.

I defend my important corridors with the best in automated anti-spam gunnery and I can watch the progress of the attempted intrusion with my motion detector, but inevitably the chitinous beasts slip through. While I calmly exterminate the threat and Bill Paxton screams "game over, man!" in the corner, I know that it is only a matter of time.

Today I received a stock tip--which was very courteous of Julian Burris--in my prized personal email. Thus begins the flood of acid-blooded creatures which will drown my inbox.

Dear Comcast account, I hardly knew ye.

This is dumb, but...

2006-04-10T23:38:00.000-05:00

I was thinking about why lipstick is called lipstick. Is it because it sticks to lips, or because it comes in stick form? I'm thinking it's probably the second, because otherwise we might be rubbing chapstick on our leather over-pants contraptions.

So true.

2006-04-06T23:30:00.000-05:00

I can't help it if this makes me nostalgic for brand new Super Nintendo games.

i'm not crazy

Hey, check this out:

2006-02-26T17:47:00.000-06:00

I can't wait until I'm patient.

Current events!

2006-02-22T22:19:00.000-06:00

Well, it made me laugh.

(a little frightening that you can get it on a thong)

(also, apologies if I stole this from your blog/site/brain; I bookmarked it and couldn't remember where I got it)

(appended parenthetical)

How is that even a thing?

2006-01-26T23:28:00.000-06:00

In an article on Yahoo! News about the escalation of mockery on American Idol (and let's not mince words--the only parts of this show worth watching are the parts which contain mockery), I came across this gem of a quote:

However, when it comes to the show's bluntness about contestants, heavy or otherwise, that's simply reality, said Peggy Howell, spokeswoman for the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance.

National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance? What? Do you have to be fat to work there? Seriously, with the obesity rates like they are, do you really think anyone has a problem accepting fat people?

I'm going to start some other completely unnecessary society, like the National Coalition for the Unrestricted Cultivation of Mustachios.

This just in...

2006-01-18T17:36:00.000-06:00

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

You hared it here frist. Or scoend.

So, uh...

2005-12-21T08:21:00.000-06:00

How 'bout them Bears?

Shiny

2005-12-01T16:04:00.000-06:00

The Firefly-Serenity Chinese Pinyinary has translations of all the Chinese phrases used in the show and the movie. Some of the exchanges are made a lot funnier (and sometimes a lot more serious) when you know what the Chinese means. For instance, instead of Wash spouting "Wuh duh ma huh ta duh fung-kwong duh wai-shung doh" when Saffron tries to seduce him, I now know that he's really saying "Holy mother of god and all her wacky Nephews," which in my book is a lot more humorous.

Check it out. There may be spoilers within, so be forewarned. It's still interesting stuff. Dong ma?

Matthiessen, Photo Style

2005-11-21T20:18:00.000-06:00

Saturday had all the appearances of a boring day in the making, so a group of us persons went out to Mathiessen State Park, near glorious Utica, IL. I took the ol' camera along, and decided to make with the photoing. Here's what happened. Enjoy:

It was a good time.

Argh

2005-11-16T23:17:00.000-06:00

If I could somehow make House of Blues take human shape, I would punch him right in the eye. "Mr. Blues, you are an offense to music itself," I would say, while gleefully kneeing his groin.

As my folks and I arrived at the House of Blues tonight to hear Keslinger play, we gaped at the line stretching around the building. They hadn't let anybody in yet at 6 o'clock--surely they wouldn't have Keslinger play right at 6. As we went inside to pick up our useless tickets at will call, I heard the familiar chordal stylings of our boys. Sure enough, they were already a good way into their set.

Instead of going outside to wait in the line (which was made much worse by the insanely cold temperatures), we decided to stay in where we could actually hear them play. And because the line outside wasn't coming in yet, they sure as heck wouldn't let us past the rope inside. Someone finally took pity on us, and we got to see them on stage for about 30 seconds of their last song, but that's it.

As we left, it looked like the line hadn't moved at all. Nobody saw them. *sigh*

My brother said nearly every person he knew who bought tickets ($28 tickets, at that) to see Keslinger did not get to see them. Yes, I would elbow the House of Blues in the solar plexus toot sweet.

On the plus side, my folks and I went and ate at Harry Caray's after we left HOB, and I had the distinct pleasure of ingesting some of the finest steak ever. Savory juices exploding out of every bite, it was the kind of steak that makes you realize how great life really is. Mmmm... steak.

So that's it, I guess. House of Blues - 0, Steak - 1.

Keslinger live in concert

2005-11-15T19:11:00.000-06:00

So yeah, they won the whole battle of the bands thing. Keslinger will be "opening" for Hanson tomorrow night (Wednesday, 11/16) at the House of Blues in Chicago. The reason for the quotations is that somehow the evil promoter folken have wedged Keslinger into an opening spot that's before the show is supposed to start. If you have tickets and actually want to see Keslinger, please show up way early, at 6 (the "doors open" time).

I hate promoters, but I love Keslinger.

A moment of silence, please...

2005-11-11T20:07:00.000-06:00

For Jordan's blog. Looks like the blog deities finally put the ax to it.

*silence*

Vote Keslinger, vote often.

2005-11-07T08:33:00.000-06:00

Remember when I was talking about my brother's band? They won that first part, and now it's up to an online vote to determine who gets to open for Hanson.

Go here, and vote Keslinger.

Thank you.

Double You Tee Haich?

2005-11-02T13:33:00.000-06:00

I just got a call from my brother to the effect that his band won the Nine FM Battle of the Bands contest and will be opening for Hanson.

Double you tee haich?

Congratulations (I guess) to Nick, Seth, Jon and no-blog-havin' Chris.

Another TV recommendation you won't take.

2005-10-27T23:27:00.000-05:00

So, Veronica Mars.

I've been hearing buzz about this show since it started last year but I never checked it out. I rented a couple discs from Netflix and--long story short--now I own the first season.

Veronica Mars takes place in Neptune, a California town where the ultra-rich and the barely scraping by attend the same public high school. Veronica Mars (Kristen Bell) attends Neptune High, where she's just undergone a drastic change in status. Her best friend Lilly was murdered and Veronica's father Keith (Enrico Colantoni), the Neptune sheriff, remains convinced Lilly's father is her killer even after another man gives a full confession. Keith is run out of office and becomes a private detective, making a living from proving infidelities and tracking down bail-jumpers.

All this is bad enough, but for a high school student, it's even worse. Veronica loses all status; her old clique--the rich kids--hate her and the poor kids hate her for having been with the rich kids before. She is roofied and raped when she attends a party for her former crowd. The Veronica that we meet in the flashbacks is not around anymore. We've got a tougher, sardonic, witty Veronica. She's a Veronica that stakes out adulterers for her father with a Calc test yet to be studied for.

It's good stuff.

It's not all terrible dark things, and they've really done an excellent job of balancing lighter material with the seamy underbelly of affluent California. Laughs come pretty readily, mystery abounds, and there are some truly affecting moments. Most of the episodes are pretty self-contained, but each one has little tidbits that contribute to the yearlong story which is a great way to reward viewers (i.e. me).

Oh, and Kristen Bell? Rawr. If Kristen Bell were a dinosaur, she'd have existed in the cuteaceous period.

Veronica Mars : Wednesday, 8PM Central on UPN (wha?)

I bought new socks.

2005-10-27T18:34:00.000-05:00

This is awesome.

This update made possible by Gold Toe.

Congratulations, Sox

2005-10-27T08:26:00.000-05:00

Here's to the Chicago White Sox on winning the World Series quickly so my regularly scheduled programming can return. I'm just glad baseball's over.

So the Red Sox have broken the curse and the White Sox have won for the first time in 88 years. I think it's Cubbie time next year. I dread the possibilities of a Cubs / White Sox series, though:

Cubs fan: "Hey, go Cubs!"
White Sox fan: shanks Cubs fan in the parking lot and robs corpse.

Heh.

Law of averages

2005-10-25T21:04:00.001-05:00

I've seen two movies in a row that I didn't care for. The Weather Man's gotta be good, right?

Please be good.

Domino

2005-10-25T21:04:00.000-05:00

I think Tony Scott might actually be some sort of evil genius bent on driving epileptics into seizures. All he has achieved in film is just a mere stepping stone to his diabolical plan.

Yeah. I was actually excited to see Domino, as I liked Man on Fire a ton, with its softening of Creasy and slow buildup to the kidnapping and Creasy's cold exacting revenge. This doesn't really come close to that.

Domino has no subtlety at all. It's all flash and noise, sound and fury and whatnot. The movie actually manages to be dull, despite the constant visual tomfoolery and deliberately convoluted plot.

It's a story about a jaded dropout ex-model who becomes a bounty hunter because it looks interesting. It sounds crazy, but according to the opening titles, it's "based on a true story--sort of." It is crazy, but only because there are so many double- and triple-crosses injected into the plot, you eventually just sit back and stare at the fiercely strobing Keira Knightley up on the screen.

Mickey Rourke was, as always, cool. Tom Waits has a guest appearance as a traveling preacher-oracle guy in the desert who holds forth prophecy to the bounty hunters while--wait for it--a Tom Waits song is playing in the background! Meta-film at its best!

I'm going to refuse to rate this on the grounds that I can and what are you going to do about it?

A History of Violence

2005-10-25T20:38:00.000-05:00

I think this would make a great date movie. A cornucopia of some of the most brutal violence I've ever seen, completely unsympathetic characters and two of the most awkward uncomfortable sex scenes ever combine to make this the feel-good movie of the year.

Seriously, though, I don't know. I guess I just didn't really dig it.

Basically, Viggo Mortenson is a small-time diner owner in a small-time town who becomes a hero when he deftly kills two armed assailants in his eatery. His apparent aptitude for violence raises questions among his family--one of the more interesting areas explored by the film--and the locals. Some shady characters come to pay a visit to our hero, convinced they know him. Where it goes from there is up to you to find out, if you're still interested.

I consider myself fairly desensitized to violence (although I have not and will not see any of the famed Miike movies), but this stuff made me pretty uncomfortable. But look on the bright side: if I ever want to see a guy get slugged in the nose like forty times until his face is a bloody ruin, I can rent A History of Violence. As for the sex, I suppose I should have expected it from the guy who made the movie about people getting busy in car wrecks.

I liked Ed Harris and William Hurt in this and Viggo was decent, but like I said, none of the characters are even remotely sympathetic. Well, perhaps the Viggo's character's son, but he's kind of ancillary anyway. I don't mind if I hate a main character, but I at least want to care either way what happens. I didn't really care here, unfortunately.

Also, the movie opens with one of the most boring oners I've ever seen. There are better ways to convey boredom, Mr. Croenenberg (see: the opening to Once Upon a Time in the West). Shame on you.

I suppose A History of Violence gets two scalding coffee pots to the face out of a possible four scalding coffee pots to the face.

Wow.

2005-10-18T22:43:00.000-05:00

In the matter of Penny Arcade v. Jack Thompson:

I read Penny Arcade quite regularly. It's a comic strip devoted to gamer culture which is an often funny, mostly clever, well drawn strip that I've been checking out since I went to school in '99. These guys have done great things with their exposure; Child's Play--a drive that they have organized and run the last two Christmas seasons--has donated ridiculous amounts of games, toys, and money to children's hospitals around the country. These guys have also butted heads with pretty much everyone possible. They've been forced to take a comic down by American Greetings, accidentally signed their publishing rights away, and now: Jack Thompson.

I first heard of Jack Thompson in an interview with EGM wherein he detailed his anti-game violence agenda fairly well. I got the impression that he was an intelligent lawyer who was concerned for the youth of today. You better believe he was all over the Hot Coffee thingy. Things have gotten odder and odder, though, as he seems to have begun a campaign of misinformation and bizarre proposals:

Miami, Florida Attorney Jack Thompson, a long-time outspoken critic of violent and sexually explicit videogames, has done something totally unexpected. Thompson today actually proposed a violent videogame, and will pay $10,000 to the favorite charity of Paul Eibeler (the Chairman of Take-Two Interactive) if any videogame company will "create, manufacture, distribute, and sell a video game in 2006" based on a scenario he created.

You can visit that article if you want to see a description of his "game" but it's pretty wretched, so maybe you're better off just staying here.

Anyway, somebody met his challenge and built a modification of an existing game to meet his criteria. Thompson chose to then pass off his proposal as satire, therefore no $10,000.

Penny Arcade's response?

Thompson now claims that his repellent suggestion was "satire," and we must conclude that his financial offer was also satire, some new breed of satire apparently that I'm sure is just hilarious to people in need.

You know what, Jack? We're going to be the men you're not. You said that your insulting, illusory ten thousand dollars would go to the charity of Paul Eibeler's choice. We've got a good guess that he'd direct your nonexistant largesse toward The Entertainment Software Association Foundation, a body that has raised over six point seven million dollars over the last eight years. We've just made the donation you never would, and never meant to. Ten thousand dollars' worth. And we made it in your name.

Absolute cojones. I love these guys.

If you want to read more from Penny Arcade's side of things (and in much better prose!), check these two news pages:
PA News 10/14
PA News 10/18

Ahahahaha

2005-10-03T20:19:00.000-05:00

Kal-El Coppola Cage? Dude, you're just slating that kid for punishment.

In other news, go see Serenity.

Shame on you, America

2005-10-03T18:19:00.000-05:00

[fanboy transmission]

1. Flightplan - $15.0M
2. Serenity - $10.1M
3. Tim Burton's Corpse Bride - $9.8M
4. A History of Violence - $8.2M
5. Into the Blue - $7.0M

I must highlight the fact that the cinematic turd known as Flightplan outearned the delicious feast that is Serenity. $10.1 million isn't going to do it. The world needs sequels to be made! Well, I need sequels to be made, but let's not split hairs here.

It is encouraging that Serenity has the second highest dollars per theater figure. I'll be going again sometime this week, and you should too.

[/fanboy transmission]

Holy crap.

2005-10-01T19:40:00.000-05:00

I was planning on seeing Serenity on Sunday out at AMC, but Seth and Chrissy came over last night and telepathically convinced me to go out at wimpy Carmike (RIP, GKC) Market Square here in town. Seriously, it was telepathic. They just looked at me and waited for me to suggest it.

The movie was fantastic. As a fan of the series, the movie was everything I had hoped it would be. It was a major gift to the faithful without devolving into total fan service; Serenity appears to be very accessible to newcomers as well. The film is thrilling, hilarious, and affecting - perhaps moreso than any I've seen so far this year.

Joss Whedon is back in the saddle in a big way. The action is some of the best he's ever shot, the dialogue is wonderful (as always--it's Joss), the special effects are as glorious as ever (probably even a little bit better), and the characters--sweet fancy Moses, the characters!

All the characters from the series are back and not a one has been corrupted by the Hollywood process. Mal (Nathan Fillion) displays the same split of stoic pragmatism and nobility he did in the series, and the limits of both are tested severely in the film. Jayne (Adam Baldwin) still provides a lot of gruff guy comedy, but he has a couple serious lines that just knock a room silent. Kaylee (Jewel Staite) is as adorable as ever and gets to deliver some of the funniest lines in the movie. The Operative (Chiwetel Ejiofor) is an assassin after the crew who, despite his deadly prowess, possesses a far more powerful weapon: unwavering belief in his cause.

I can't really say a whole lot more about the movie without spoiling major stuff, but let me say this: if you are going into a Joss Whedon movie without expecting to see a girl beating a lot of people up, you're way off base. River (Summer Glau) is absolutely butt-kickingly cool in this movie. If you've seen the series, you were expecting something like this the whole time; now you've got it.

I offer only one caveat for those who'd like to see this. See the television series first, please. Go out and buy it, rent it or, assuming you're a brigand of the worst sort, download it between bank robberies. You will enjoy this movie so much more if you've seen the series first. I geh-ron-tee.

So yeah. It's good. It's really really good.

Serenity

2005-09-30T17:55:00.000-05:00

It's here. Now the only question is when do I see it? Perhaps a Zach Special Double Feature on Sunday along with A History of Violence at the old AMC Cantera 30. That sounds like fun.

*excitement*

Ahem

2005-09-22T18:45:00.000-05:00

Please direct your attention to the right, where you will find an updated list of quality blogging establishments. Please visit them and donate comments to the needy.

In the Mood for Love

2005-09-22T18:35:00.000-05:00

Pete once recommended this movie to me, telling me more or less that the movie's about an emotional affair between two of the most beautiful people in the world. A couple years later, I finally rent it, and he's pretty much spot on.

Two married couples move into spare rooms in adjacent apartments. Apparently a lot of people lived in a single apartment over there in the 60's, because both apartments are bustling, alive places, which serves as a stark contrast to the lonely lives that both Mr. Chow and Mrs. Chan live. Both conclude that their perpetually absent spouses are involved in extra-marital affairs. Through a few chance encounters, Mr. Chow and Mrs. Chan form a bond and become friends, though they have to deal with the temptations presented by the new relationship.

The film is mostly presented in a series of short snippets of daily business for the two leads; Mr. Chow's conversations with co-workers at his indeterminate job, Mrs. Chan's secretarial duties which seem to be comprised mostly of helping her boss have an affair of his own, and nightly trips to the noodle stand down the street. At first, the slice of life editing felt jarring, but it grows on you and makes you feel that a more straightforward approach would have been less interesting. Also intriguing is the fact that we never see the face of either cheating spouse, but we only hear their voices. Their disloyalty is not what the film is about; rather, their infidelity is pushed to the side as we watch a friendship blossom.

Ultimately, what I found the most notable was the score. The movie uses a couple Spanish-language Nat King Cole songs and one lovely orchestral piece. The score helps tremendously to establish an epic mood for this romance and the spare soundtrack lends more significance to the few pieces used.

Anyway, I dug it. It's a good romance, if I'm allowed to say such a thing. It's a very subtle romance, and it makes me wish more American romances were made this well.

Rating: In the Mood for Love gets three thermoses of noodles out of a possible four thermoses of noodles.

I'm so dumb

2005-09-22T18:00:00.000-05:00

As I was driving home a couple days ago, listening to WGN, and I hear a commercial for this at-home paternity test. Swab little Johnny's mouth, swab Daddy's mouth, mail it off and voila! Instant results!

So I get to thinking: you only ever hear about paternity tests; why don't we ever hear about maternity tests?

Oh yeah.

The audacity!

2005-09-10T21:18:00.000-05:00

Dave, nobody falls asleep on my blog. Get it together, man.

Oldboy

2005-09-10T21:17:00.000-05:00

Laugh, and the world laughs with you.
Weep, and you weep alone.

Oldboy is about Oh Daesu, a man to whom we are introduced in a series of scenes in a police station. He is drunk and late for his daughter's birthday. While his friend, courteous enough to bail him out, makes a phone call, Oh Daesu disappears. He is kidnapped and imprisoned in a hotel room-like cell for fifteen years. Then he is let go without knowing why. Oldboy is about the search for why, but I've discovered that in this particular case, the search is much more important than the why.

The movie alternates evoking horror, savage satisfaction, and sweetness. We watch him harden himself in his prison, knowing that as he punches the plaster walls he is shaping himself into the instrument of his revenge. We watch in awed horror (I did, at least) as he consumes a live octopus; his desire for contact with life after his release is such that he walks into a sushi restaurant and orders "something alive." We watch, again in horror, as Daesu removes an enemy's teeth with a claw hammer.

This is not a pleasant movie.

I have a new favorite fight scene ever, though. In a one-take pan down a dimly lit squallid hallway, Daesu clobbers his way through a small army of thugs with just his trusty claw hammer at his side. It is as brutal and true as it is technically amazing. Hoodlums pile up, reluctant to be the first to get cracked. People get tired, wheezing as they circle around. Daesu's smile at the end of the fight is a little creepy, but we know how he feels.

I can say one thing for sure about this movie: if you are composing your review in your head while watching it the first time, you are going to have to scrap all your work. I thought I knew where we were going, and we ended up somewhere completely different. Don't approach this movie expecting a Kill Bill or a Count of Monte Cristo. Revenge is certainly Daesu's goal, but Oldboy takes a different tack. Daesu is challenged along the way: revenge now or truth later? Does he even really want revenge? What is the cost?

Rating: Oldboy gets three hammers and a couple pulled teeth out of four hammers.

Next up: In the Mood for Love

A little delay (as if)...

2005-09-02T11:10:00.000-05:00

So the Oldboy review is still in the making, but it's going to be even later because I'm going up to Ann Arbor with the family to watch NIU wallop Michigan. Yay!

Something new

2005-08-28T11:25:00.000-05:00

Since I rent so many movies and TV shows through Netflix, I've decided that I should get some sort of blog activity out of it. I'll be attempting to coherently review every disc I get in the mail. Hopefully this will be a good thing.

First up: Oldboy.

Heyyy...

2005-08-15T18:45:00.000-05:00

I've noticed that a rash of comment-spam has begun to appear on the blogverse. When I saw this, I realized that I might be the only blogger more prolific at policing comment-spam than actually posting.

Chew on that.

A Clarification

2005-08-02T20:00:00.000-05:00

weary ( P ) Pronunciation Key (wîr'ee)
adj. wea·ri·er, wea·ri·est

1.Physically or mentally fatigued.
2.Expressive of or prompted by fatigue: a weary smile.
3.Having one's interest, forbearance, or indulgence worn out: weary of delays.
4.Causing fatigue; tiresome: a weary wait.

wary ( P ) Pronunciation Key (wâr'ee)
adj. war·i·er, war·i·est

1.On guard; watchful: taught to be wary of strangers.
2.Characterized by caution: a wary glance at the black clouds.

Please note the distinction and adjust speech and writing accordingly.

And then sometimes life squirts you in the eye with lemon juice.

2005-07-19T20:04:00.000-05:00

People leave. People leave, oftentimes for reasons you can't understand. You take them for granted and then they're gone.

You've watched friendships dissolve over distance, over time. You tell yourself that this time it might be different; you're so close to them.

You know perfectly well there's nothing you can do to stop it happening, so you run down the list of who's to blame. No matter how you slice it, it feels like abandonment.

You withdraw from society, shunning all social interaction for fear of friendship's inevitable decay. You become a hermit. With a high-speed internet connection.

(There. I'm all biled out. I feel a little better now)

Harry Potter Update Pt. 2

2005-07-17T18:25:00.000-05:00

Half-Blood Prince pages consumed, day two: 350.

Just finished it. I can come out of my internet-cocoon now, unafraid of spoilers.

I don't have much to say, other than that I feel really badly for kids who are still reading the series. Cripes.

Harry Potter Update

2005-07-17T07:30:00.000-05:00

Half-Blood Prince pages consumed, day one: 302.

Consensus so far: awww yeah...

Glengarry Glen Ross

2005-07-16T10:14:00.000-05:00

David Mamet is a force to be reckoned with.

I think at some point in my life I decided that I would probably never be entertained by movies about real estate. However, as Roger Ebert says, "a movie is not about what it is about, but about how it is about it." This film is about it in a cool way. Four real estate salesmen at a failing branch of a larger company are set against one another in a sales competition to keep their jobs (also, a Cadillac). Meanwhile, they're expected to sell with ages-old leads: people who simply aren't interested. The new leads, the good leads, are locked in the manager's office. How do you win? Do you play by the rules? Do you try to steal the leads? Buy them? Cool.

Jack Lemmon, Kevin Spacey, Alec Baldwin (about as much awesome packed into a cameo as is possible), Al Pacino, Ed Harris, Alan Arkin. Those are six good reasons right there. Al Pacino's monologue in the bar is priceless.

The one thing I don't get about Mamet's writing is that he writes some of the most convincing dialogue for long stretches, but when someone gets mad and starts swearing, the strangest combinations of words come out. Actually, they don't even have to be swearing sometimes.

For other Mamet I've enjoyed, see: Spartan and Ronin.

I've seen others, but I don't remember them well enough to recommend them.

So you want a post?

2005-07-16T09:44:00.000-05:00

I've been a tad lax in blogging recently, but that's only because I'm busy hanging on every word of Peter's tropical adventures, being amused in a gamerly way, eagerly awaiting, and re-reading.

While people tell me I need to post, I am left hanging on Seth's discovery of the nexus of dad strength. I am also left clueless why we haven't seen a lovesick post from Jordan upon resumption of Sam.

Basically, not much is happening. Stay classy, North Central Illinois. (And Costa Rica)

Sometimes I love the internet.

2005-07-03T17:17:00.000-05:00

Internet Anagram Server.

I could waste hours being amused by this thing. Some samples:

Seth Deming yields these amusing results:

HEDGE MINTS
NEEDS MIGHT
MIDGET HENS
NED GETS HIM
TED MESHING
DIGS THE MEN (!)

Brian Jones gets:

BANJO RINSE
JABS RONNIE
NO SANER JIB
SOBER NINJA
BAN JOINERS

Of course, we must see what it thinks of Jordan Gladden:

A GLAND ON DR JED
DAD JANGLED RON
GRAND NODAL JED
LAD AND NERD JOG
DARN ODD JANGLE

I'm going to stop before I go insane. I've learned some things I must investigate:

Brian's ninja skills are something of a surprise, and I have no clue what he's got against Ronnie. Jordan is apparently one of Dr. Jed's appendages and is participating in a nerd jog (how appropriate). I don't even know what to say about Seth. Ted Meshing would be a cool spy name though.

Vapors

2005-06-27T23:16:00.000-05:00

I am a gas.

I am rapidly vibrating molecules with generous spacing. I am insidious, insinuating myself through porous membranes and traveling across open expanses. I am not inhaled at first but I hover and eventually she grows tired of holding her breath. I am exhaled quickly enough but part of me is absorbed. I am getting her acclimated to me.

I am a gas. This is my plan:

Through repeated exposure I will win her over.

I am a gas.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSS...

Uh oh

2005-06-18T20:56:00.000-05:00

I recently read Fight Club (Chuck Palahniuk) and I've gotta say that I wasn't terribly impressed. I've been told it's better than the movie, but it just didn't work as well for me. I guess pop nihilism reads better on screen than it does in print.

I'm going to give Survivor a shot sometime soon. Hopefully I'll enjoy that more.

Maybe I should just give up and start reading actual literature. Or not.

What goes around...

2005-06-16T20:30:00.000-05:00

As long as I've had access to the web, people have been able to self-publish websites, ranging from mediocre one-pagers with photos of family and pets to major endeavors with complex navigation and graphics. In those early days, the super-sites had yet to really be established as main sources for news and entertainment, so I found myself browsing personal Geocities sites.

As a matter of course, the super-sites with their professional (and spell-checked) content quickly eclipsed personal sites and became the staple of my web surfing. As surrogate newspapers and magazines, they quickly scooped any competing personal sites.

We've come full circle. Blogs and forums have brought the focus back to the small-scale content. I still read news sites and DVD sites and such, but once I'm done reading blogs for the day, there's almost nothing else that compels me to keep reading.

Blog sites and software have made self-published content fast and easy. Simple feedback systems have made us bold in demanding new content from our entertaining anonymous friends. We are no longer dealing with sealed off mega-sites to get the bulk of our entertainment and enrichment. Our blog friends, both the faceless and the dear, have become the new staple.

Cool.

primer

2005-06-13T20:35:00.000-05:00

Wow. This movie was nuts and I'm not sure I even understood most of what happened. It's a thinking man's sci-fi flick about time travel made for $7,000. It's been done incredibly well, considering the budget. It definitely won't coddle viewers and you have to pay attention to catch everything. In other words, I liked it.

I recommend it, but only if you're interested in actively watching it, possibly more than once. Yeah.

It's done

2005-06-12T19:24:00.000-05:00

Well, the self-imposed posting challenge is over. I learned a couple things from this experience. It's fun to try to post every day because I found myself writing more things and also found myself happier with what I wrote. There were a couple days in there that I wasn't happy with (filler days when nothing good was coming), but overall I was pleased with it. You get a lot more comments when you post more, which is fun, even if it's just Neill telling you to check your email.

I'll keep trying to post every day, but there's no reason to post the filler stuff, so if I don't have anything good to post, you probably won't hear from me.

An important rule of blogging (posting challenge: day seven)

2005-06-11T23:33:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it's better to say nothing than to say that you've got nothing to say.

Shortly before the end (posting challenge: day six)

2005-06-11T03:32:00.000-05:00

Let me tell you about how I wasted the last 12 hours of my life. Sounds crazy, huh? Yeah, that pretty much describes it.

--

I'm at Sara's, getting my weekly aura cleansing. We always talk when she's working--politics, movies, coffee--so when she stops gabbing in the middle of a sentence, I'm caught a little off guard. I open my eyes and look at her, and she tells me point blank that something's wrong and that I'm going to die in 12 hours.

"Oh."

Who am I to be satisfied with one opinion? It's only my life, right? So I go to see my herbalist. I tell him the story and he says he'll see what he can do. He goes to the back room and comes back and gives me a cup full of sludge that tastes like mud. I go back to Sara and ask her if I'm all better and she says that nope, sorry, I'm still doomed.

My Tai Chi instructor only confirms it: in the elegantly appointed dojo, he informs me that my chi is seriously screwed. My interior decorator tweaks my feng shui and says I'll get the bill in the mail. The acupuncturist jabs me appropriately. My broker has plenty of stock tips but no advice and no insight.

Back to Sara. Still about to shuffle off.

My impending doom confirmed, I sit down to plan my final hours. I consider calling my parents, but it would take them the rest of my life to come out here. I think about calling my friends, but we haven't been all that close since last year when I got into Scientology and kept bugging them to get audited. Man, that was a stupid phase.

That leaves me with one person to call--my girlfriend. Do I really want to spend my last hours with her crying on my shoulder? I pick up the phone and start to dial her number, but I put it back down on the cradle. Why ruin her day and mine, you know? So I go to the movies.

The show gets out and as I walk to my car I realize how much of my time I've already wasted. You'll never realize how important your time is until you come out of a movie that took up a sixth of your life. I decide that I'll get my lady something nice, pretend it isn't the end of the world, and have a great time. Finally I've decided on a reasonable plan for the hours leading up to my demise.

I pull up to Carl's Jewelers with 6 hours left and feeling the best I've felt since I found out I was going to die. I walk through the door and nod to the security guard who's getting chewed out by the manager. He returns the nod with a distracted smile. I look through the necklaces for a bit and find one that I know she'll love. And I wait. The manager's retreated to his tiny office and the only salesperson around is busy with a ring-shopping couple that seems way too young to be getting married. You know how whenever you need something right away, it takes forever to get it?

I keep waiting, burning half an hour.

So I say to myself: You're going to die in five hours. Get on with it.

Before I know it, I've got the necklace--she is gonna love it--in my coat pocket and I'm heading for the door. I haven't gone two steps before I feel a meaty hand drop on my shoulder. I turn around and the sheepish guard from the door must have noticed me, because he isn't smiling anymore. I'm not about to spend my few hours in jail. I shove the guy in the chest and turn for the door.

I get punched in the back and a whipcrack sound hammers my eardrums. I turn around and the guard has a gun and where'd he get the gun he didn't have that when I walked in I think and I've got this incredulous look on my face and he just looks shocked. I look at my shirt and Oh Lord my white shirt is all red and I'm all Hail Mary and such and then I'm sitting and so is the guard and the gun falls out of his numb hands.

It doesn't really hurt all that much, but the guard's crying and I feel like crap about it. I try to talk to him, but the words aren't really coming out too well and my mouth feels too dry. I gesture and get him to come closer and I manage to whisper in his ear:

It's okay, man. I was going to die today anyway.

And he looks a little better but I'm having trouble staying awake. And then it's over.

--

When I think back on all this, I realize that I wasted my 12 hours. I died with time left on the clock. I didn't get to say goodbye or make anyone laugh or feel the wind on my face. What really gets my goat, though, is that they were wrong. I didn't have 12 hours left; I died too early for that to be true. I died because I bought into it. I could have had 2 more years or 60 more years, for all I know. Do I regret that it happened like this? Yeah, more than a little. But I know that it would probably happen the same way if I had to do it all over again. Kinda sticks in your craw, huh?

Shabby substitute. (posting challenge: day five)

2005-06-09T23:39:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I promised a story today, but you know what? I decided I didn't want to rush it (read: write the story in the 20 minutes before I post it). I'm not that reckless, man.

Instead, I present for your perusal crappy amateur photography!

Here's some of the stuff that happened on my first try with the camera:

After the rain
Sunset obscura
Cement thing

A couple of shots from a lil' fire--underexposed is my middle name:

Dan and the blaze
Dan and the blaze, cont'd
MACRO LOG
MACRO LOG RETURNS
It's a lampshade, but cooler

So that's about it. Hopefully I will have something more substantive for tomorrow night. Good night, folks.

I'm a dick. (posting challenge: day four)

2005-06-08T21:37:00.000-05:00

I just realized today that I have missed every single wedding of my college friends. Through some combination of apathy and circumstance, I've missed them all. That's just weird.

When one comes up, there's always a ready rationale for why I can't go. It seems reasonable to me at the time, but I always regret the decision afterwards. I'll be working for the rest of my life, but (hopefully) they'll only get married once.

The worst part is that this isn't just weddings; it's keeping in touch, it's taking little trips to hang out, it's remembering them and the rockin times. I guess absence only makes the heart grow fonder when you've known the person for more than four years or something. That phrase sucked to begin with, anyway.

So why the remorse? It boils down to this: if my friends acted like I do, I probably wouldn't want them as friends.

I need to stop listening to this melancholy music.

(coming tomorrow: a story with a dead narrator. how cliche!)

2005-06-07T23:17:00.000-05:00

I might get one of these, except:
A) I don't wear t-shirts.
B) I'm not that much of a dork.
C) If Serenity sucks, he's got some 'splaining to do.

Last call (posting challenge: day three)

2005-06-07T23:01:00.000-05:00

I'm about to go to bed because I have to get up early tomorrow. I don't really want to get up at 4:45, but I'm going to have to anyway. The things we do for employment...

If I got a position as a multi-millionaire, I think I'd get to set my own hours.

Also, being a golf course designer sounds relaxing.

(There's better stuff to come this week. Please forgive the hasty filler post. Mmm... pastry filling paste.)

Celebrity Violence: Issue One

2005-06-06T22:04:00.000-05:00

Give me a break.

"New York police say [Russell] Crowe was upset about not being able to get a call out to wife Danielle Spencer in Australia. After getting no response from the hotel's management, he went down to the front desk where he took his frustration out by allegedly hurling said phone at the clerk, "hitting him in the face and causing a laceration and substantial pain," according to the complaint."

What kind of celebrity doesn't have a cell phone? Or at least a toady who'll go out and find one at 4 AM? I guess we can't expect more than this from the man who won our affections playing a vicious warrior and a mentally unstable guy.

[Stay tuned for our next issue, to be published when stuff happens]

Every prose has its thorn (posting challenge: day two)

2005-06-06T21:55:00.000-05:00

The S.S. Zaquinas sets out from the harbor of Inspiration, guided along by the strong wind of Motivation. It is a fine day for sailing; the gulls are swooping about in a gullsome manner, and the bright sun of Good Intentions warms the deck. Indeed, the easy sailing continues for quite some time, but the day gradually darkens. Confusion patters against the deck, Doubt cracks in the sky, and the thunderheads of Poor Planning roll in, but the vessel still sails on. Some of the Sentence rigging snaps, and the scurrying crew quickly patches it with Comma splices. These shabby constructions fall apart, and the crew realize in horror that there is not enough Style on board to save the rigging. A howling wind of Disillusionment arises, shearing the Plot mast in half, taking the hastily prepared Theme sails along into the roiling sea. The vessel runs aground on the Rock of Incompletion, and remains there for several weeks.

After some time, the crew begin salvage work, saving what they can from the wreckage. A rickety raft of Compromise coalesces from the shambles of the ship. The crew pack as much of the remaining supplies as possible on the raft, taking extra care to leave room for the paltry Dignity that survived the wreck. Narrowly avoiding jagged Editing reefs, the makeshift vessel finally arrives at the intended destination: the port of Completion. Along the way, they have lost men to neglect and weeks to distraction, but they arrive nevertheless.

With their troublesome journey complete, the crew realize they are one-dimensional puppets in a ham-fisted metaphor and go drinking.

THE END

A growing epidemic (posting challenge: day one)

2005-06-05T14:35:00.000-05:00

Across the country, men both young and old are embroiled in a bitter battle with compulsion and indulgence. They slave away at nine-to-fives, eagerly awaiting the moment bells ring, the moment meetings end, the moment minute hands point straight up. Cars start up and the emigration begins. Exhausted laborers and drowsy businessmen head home, save for one quick stop. One by one, they make their purchases, expressions ranging from casual to self-conscious. At home, they ply their common trade in front of televisions and monitors, the walls painted with flickering blues. What compels these men to act this way?

It's Tuesday.

New DVD day.

I own a goodly number of DVDs, but I would say I have not yet approached t o o m a n y D V D s. I'm sure the owners of those collections would probably say the same thing, though. I've come a long way from that summer in 99 when I bought Aliens and Rush Hour to start the collection and played them on the weak sauce DVD player in my computer. I joined Columbia House a couple times, got a bunch as gifts, and bought the rest at stores. The DVD format seems to have made collectors and film buffs out of people who may never have been interested if VHS still was the leading format.

There's a warped perspective at work in a lot of the mega-collectors. I present for your inspection this dialogue from a message board (unedited for authenticity):

Guy 1: (posts photo of big collection)
Guy 2: Why are most of your dvds unopened? dont you watch them before you buy others
Guy 1: Not everyone does that I would say 60% of my collection is unopened. It is because I want the movie not cause I need something to watch. I have seen a lot of the movies and just haven't watched them again.

Come on, dude.

Anyway, the size of the collection has reached a plateau as I stopped buying DVDs just because and began only buying movies I loved in the theater. There's a little fat to trim off the collection, but mostly I think I'm back under control.

Heaven forbid I walk by a $6 sale rack, though.

A challenge

2005-06-04T11:56:00.000-05:00

In recent news, Pete has decided to categorize his blog links by posting frequency. I, of course, have been placed in the "Seldom" category.

I'm going to try to post once a day for the next week, beginning tomorrow. How's that for often?

It's on.

indigence

The Dork Modifier

Where does it go?

I submit for your approval...

Hrm.

The Out-of-Text Retcon

Ultra-fresh!

You know what I hate?

Aw man!

GRAGHRRAGH!

Musical extravaganza!

Apathy (or, an open letter to Dennis)

Shiny

Jack Bauer wants to blow himself up (episode 19)

Jack Bauer takes the night off (episode 18)

Vegas, baby!

American Airlines blows most heartily

Jack Bauer Kills Everyone (episode 17)

The Jack Attack Stat Pack (episode 16)

The Jack Bauer Rundown, episode 15

Shooter

Reverse psychology

The Jack Bauer Rundown, episode 14

Grumpsville, Population: Me

The Jack Bauer Rundown

300

Zach's Facts!

They may be on to something here

A Grave Injustice

Nuts.

Smash a teenager in 20 steps!

Eccentrostatic

Grumble grumble

There's a first time for everything

This is old news, but...

This is brilliant.

haha

hey kid, got a present for ya

Jordan's wedding

A Mystery Explained!

Regarding entertainment

Craaaaap.

Psst--come a little closer.

Heck Yes!

I'm all a-twitter!

*ping*

This is dumb, but...

So true.

Hey, check this out:

Current events!

How is that even a thing?

This just in...

So, uh...

Shiny

Matthiessen, Photo Style

Argh

Keslinger live in concert

A moment of silence, please...

Vote Keslinger, vote often.

Double You Tee Haich?

Another TV recommendation you won't take.

I bought new socks.

Congratulations, Sox

Law of averages

Domino

A History of Violence

Wow.

Ahahahaha

Shame on you, America

Holy crap.

Serenity

Ahem

In the Mood for Love

I'm so dumb

The audacity!

Oldboy

A little delay (as if)...

Something new

Heyyy...

A Clarification

ping