Psst--come a little closer.

I have unearthed a frightening conspiracy and I need to tell someone before they get to me. A devious plot to drive the sales of Lucky Charms is in effect, and the whole world is in danger of inefficient spending!

My research has been limited to two boxes, but I believe they indicate a startling trend--a manipulation of the taste buds of American consumers for evil corporate profit! Here, brothers and sisters, is the essence of their foul scheme:

All the marshmallows are at the top.

Can you believe this, people of reason? General Mills is forcing the magically delicious to the top of the box so that, before you are aware, you are left with half a box of oat hunks. Magically oaty blandness--healthy in theory, but useless in reality! Where have the properly equilibriated boxes of goodness gone? They were fine until a month ago!

This must stop! We need uniform marshmallow distribution now, or this will become a debacle on par with the reformulation of Cookie Crisp!

I may not make it out alive, but I know the plight of the world has been heard by the three of you.

Godspeed.